War of one person

Some people say that time heals all the wounds. Does it really? Time puts layers and layers of dust on top and puts it at the little corner away from the sun. It is buried so deep that you forget it was ever there. Like some old arthritis, the knee that was hurt badly 20 years ago, 20 years later on a rainy day it keeps you awake through the night. Have you ever cried through the night till the sun comes up? If you haven't, I don't think I even want to talk to you because there is no way you could possibly understand life. I don't believe in suffering. If you don't have to suffer, don't ask for it. Those 'suffering builds character' crap is something to make you feel better when you are actually suffering. Happiness raises kind and healthy people. Suffering usually makes people narrow, bitter and harsh, of course unless it is a saint. You probably already know by now that you are not, neither am I!

I am tired of hearing 'people change'. I don't think we do. We have seen, heard, done more. We know the rules of the game better. We change behaviors, but we don't change characters. When I hear someone say, 'He/she has changed so much, like a different person, someone I no longer know'. I can only say, 'Poor thing. You probably didn't know he/she at the first place. You only thought you did'. Something too good to be true is probably not true. Someone not good enough now probably would only get worse. How long does it take to truly know someone? couple of months? couple of years? a life time? Good luck!

I have a secret. I am not a very happy person. It is not that I am unhappy. It is just not happy. (confused yet?!). I struggle too much, like a never ending battle, by myself, with myself. Maybe I need a religion. Barb, if you are trying to convert me, this is really not a good time Now you have it. Would you still be my friend?

p.s. I've started reading Graham Greene's, the guy who wrote The End of the Affair, The Quiet American... I will let you know how it goes.